random questions

What turns you on most :touch, words or smell?
Which has been your most significant relationship?

Which is better sex or food?

3 questions posed to me this evening must say I found the results surprising

Try and answer them for yourself you might be surprised at your answers

Verdicts in

So the decision has been made
looks like the toil and worry is over
now you know

You know now what they think
You know where you stand

It's over? cmon you know this is it
You know now where you are to go

Accept it, the choice has been made
Forget where you thought you might be headed

Admit it you were wrong
Otherwise your path would be different

You are not what you think you are
The Reality is that you are a shadow of your ambition

You know all this dont you?
Why is it so hard for you to accept?

Change, beauty and a whole lotta other stuff

Change, I feel like I have been preparing for it for a while but now that it is becoming less of a concept and more of a reality I begin to wonder just how ready /accepting of change I really am.
In a couple of weeks it could all be so different from now. My location, my lifestyle everything. This is worse than the any other time I've had to impact major change (uni, job). Those times it was all set way before anything had to happen I knew where I had to be I had a good idea of what I'd be doing in the end. Now its still all in the air, I have no clue where I'll end up, whether I'll be doing what it is I think am gonna be doing or whether some completely random factor is gonna enter into the mix. This more than anything else I guess is what gets to me the uncertainty of it all. Now before you go jumping ahead of me, no I dont expect everything to be predictable and yes I do appreciate having elements of uncertainty and randomness in my life(what else adds color to life but this). However -maybe its the engineer in me- I do like having a plan, a plan which still accounts for random events but is still a guiding set of actions. Right now I dont have one, I feel things are a bit haphazard with too much of it being outside my control (at which point does this become my longest blog ever?) Maybe this is a vital part of getting older, change, I guess this what the wizened and battle weary mean when they say life happens. One day you are on a set path with known goals and an outcome in sight then Change happens and your path has been altered the road increasingly looks less familiar.

I can understand creatures of habit after all we all are to some extent, I guess I am one , no I know I am one or was one. I had the saturday tv routine (friday tv routine back in uni), the thrice weekly gym routine, the weekend/odd weekday cinema routine. Well gyms out the picture, cinema lol that's more of an everyday thing (jobless I know but I gotta max out my student discount. Now I know that in the coming weeks whatever routines I have built up are gonna be altered but I do not know how. My weekday lunches @ Olive or Ikan will soon be no more :-(. my walks into town for no other reason than to people watch soon gone. My basken robbins indulgence I fear will also have to be curtailed @ least until I find another supply :-). What can I say , I do not Know whats gonna happen next but its very likely in a month's time it will all be different.

Beauty
In these times it's so easy to be consumed by the bleakness of the world . It seems daily we are bombarded with tales of needless death, suffering and hate. An alien spying in on the last couple of weeks would definitely have thought damn those earthlings are a miserable bunch. All in all the sad thing is life can and does get very Ugly. It's so easy to focus in on all the bad that happens you forget also that life can be incredibly beautiful. So easy to forget the joy you get from cracking a silly joke with a sibling. The beauty of unconditional love. The beauty of the sunset and the sunrise. There are a host of things I find beautiful ranging from a well crafted verse to sound of a child's laughter. I may be getting soppy in my old age but I will endeavor to find something beautiful in each day


Random stuff
How could Lil Kim get away with biting off "Welcome to Jamrock"?
Does 24hr drinking = 24hr kebabs?
How can one love seafood (esp sushi) but hate cooked fish ??
Why does black skin dry out so easily?
Why have I been going grey since 16?
Why are there so few black bone marrow donors?( click Anthony Nolan trust)
Weed smells bad yet why do countless"brethren" insist on bathing themselves in eau d'indo?
ditto for cigarettes
and beer breath
Who uses 3G for video calls , really?
Felching WTF!!!??????!!!

Why did France and a host of others not send any money for Pakistan?
Why is my french and mandarin still only at basic level?
Why is there no universally supported font for yoruba?
Why do they fuck around with setting the clocks back?
Is Iraq the new vietnam ? If so is Plamegate the new watergate,/whitewatergate?
Hardline Iranian govt officials... no comment
ditto Hardline Americans
Why are some of the best tv shows on at ridiculous hrs?
When will the spiky haired brigade die out?
Why aren't I somewhere warm surrounded by senoritas like stan?
Why do I keep having random nights?
What was the point to Revolver?
Is this officially my longest blog ever?
What will be the new name for my next blog site?
Finally why haven't I bought my ticket home yet?
(perhaps I should reread the blog for an answer to that one)

Choices

Choices are a good thing right?
Would you rather have none? I don't think so
The thing about choices is that you need to make decisions
Go left, go right, call her, don't call. Things are definitely more complicated when you have to make a choice. Each decision takes you down a completely new path for which you are solely responsible. Well at least you should be responsible but that's another matter.
Life is much easier without responsibilities and decisions, you trod along knowing you have set actions to take, get up go to school/work , file those forms, eat those vegetables - very childlike huh. All your life decisions taken by higher parties, what happens to you is not your doing or fault.
Life would be so much easier that way huh, but that'll mean you wouldn't have any choices

Born of a loving sin
demons around and within
seek salvation in all manner of things
journey far and near in search of truth

you have forgotten young man that God lies in you

Tender

The feel of your touch
The look in your eyes
The warmth of your skin

Going home

My sis asked me today when I was coming home
for the first time in years I do not have an answer, I do not have a well thought out plan. I dont even have a contigency... I have nothing

What am I doing here again?

Ok seriously

Am still in decision mode an option has appeared to make things a bit more of a wide open choice. What to do? A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush afterall, but who's interested in birds?!?!?

Laptop worries

Been spending a lot of time working on the laptop, on trains, in cafes and I have one concern
willl the heat from my laptop affect my goodies?!?!?

Decision time

Well its decision week again
Once again i have to ponder an offer which i am not over the moon about
but guess what this time the bankers are calling and i cant hold out
If i do its gonna be a long few months ahead but on the plus side i will finally leave manchester and start a new chapter
just not the way i wanted
well its gonna be a tough week

Childhood

Tis a wonderful thing to be a kid

to live in a world of innocence and adventure

joy is found in the little things

on the most part the people you meet have your well being in mind


all the monsters are imaginary (well mostly)
I envy kids

God of Bling

Documentary today on Hip hop and the church
All seemed Pretty standard stuff till it got to the part about the Church preaching prosperity and the rise of such ministries in america post 9/11
This struck a chord with me,"Religion is the opium of the masses", in times of turmoil and strife God becomes popular. Amongst the underprivileged , downtrodden, hopeless it gives them hope, promises freedom and peace (what else is heaven) and most recently prosperity. A natural marriage with the bling bling short termism that hip hop is so readily associated with now? If we look at it from the point of view of the "new wave prosperity" churches springing up now ,it seems they both have the same message; listen to my words, live as I say and you too shall be prosperous like me. You too can have the huge house, ride the Bentley and eat with gold plated cutlery- hell and thats just the preachers!. I cant help but feel there is a nasty undercurrent in this expression of religion. The promise of wealth and prosperity while a great hook, cannot be the true selling point of Faith. Become a christian and get your bills paid, find your path to prosperity. And if you dont does that mean you are a bad christian , God dont love you if you still driving a beat up honda, if you still live in the hood you aint righteous, if you work as a street cleaner has Christ forsaken you?
Perhaps I miss the point, maybe its all about getting them into the church to hear the word. After all its just good marketing right? In times of hardship sell em prosperity, in times of oppression sell them freedom (promise them a messiah if need be), when the people see no future in life promise them an afterlife (with 7 virgins if need be). Who am I to say that God isnt with the ministers living in the 20 room mansions.Who says God doesnt dwell with the preachers who adorn their living rooms with gold lions and drive Bentleys. After all how can you convince a poor man to come to God if you yourself are in rags. Maybe the bling is necessary for them to believe in God and the difference he can make? What do I know about evangelism and preaching? All I have to go on is the belief that Christ came as the son of a carpenter